Ego Development Theory: Working With The Conformist Stage in Psychotherapy

The conformist stage of development marks a significant shift from the previous self-centered stage of development. Individuals at this stage start to be able to truly consider others and not just for their own personal gain. Empathy starts to come online for the first time and individuals here start to develop the ability to feel emotions that are necessary for healthy socialization, such as relational guilt and group pride.

At the conformist stage, an individual’s identity is defined by the group they see themselves as a part of, whether that’s their family, their religion, their culture, their political party, their nation, or a mixture of all the above. Belonging is priority in this stage and disapproval or rejection from the group can feel like a type of death.

As with all stages, there are both light and shadow aspects to this stage.

On the light side, it is an extraordinary achievement to be able to see oneself as a part of a group, care about the well-being of others, and keep their best interest in mind. The ability to self-sacrifice, put other’s needs above one’s own, and consider the opinions and expectations of others can be incredibly pro-social in the right context.

But the shadow manifestation of this stage is enmeshment, where the over-identification with other people’s ego structures can lead to neglecting the very real needs of the self. Individuals at this stage might struggle with coping with guilt or fear of rejection when personal needs or desires go against the group’s expectations of them. 

For example, choosing a career path that’s different from their parent’s expectations, choosing a romantic partner that their culture disapproves of, or challenging long-standing religious beliefs through critical thinking and personal exploration of other perspectives.

It is the first stage that can be considered as socialized, that is, to know about basic interpersonal skills such as sharing, and protecting one another. Most importantly, people at this stage see others as important people in their own right. They want to be like those in their environment whom they admire. They sing the choir of the crowd, yet without a separate voice.

Susanne Cook-Greuter in Nine Levels of Increasing Embrace

Based on research, this is the most common stage of ego development within our current society and many individuals who seek psychotherapy will bring concerns related to the shadow aspects of this stage. Meaning, they struggle with feeling responsible for other people’s emotions, they are unclear where they end and others begin, and they haven’t yet developed the skills needed to define a separate sense of self.

For those who have followed my work here online thus far, this is where Bowen Family Systems Theory is mostly situated, helping the individual understand their psychological and emotional fusion with others and begin the process of healthy differentiation and self-definition.

A client at this stage may be moved to differentiation by psychological symptoms that are more complex than this worldview can hold, a traumatic experience this his or her conformist view does not explain or address, or an encounter with information that undermines allegiance to a group, leader, or strict set of beliefs. 

In many cases, the person will not consciously note these limitations because differentiation is not always drive by conscious cognition. Instead, at the level of body, emotion, and intuition, the client might simply become uncomfortable, or sense that there is more to life and living than his or her viewpoint allows. Indeed, symptoms of depression or anxiety may be the signal of, and catalyst for, the process of differentiation. 

Mark Forman In A Guide to Integral Psychotherapy

Individuals in this stage will need support with developing healthy self-regulation skills, defining an sense of self internally, and setting healthy boundaries that allow them to remain connected while gradually moving toward the next stage of ego development. 

Deborah provides Developmental Coaching for Integral Thinkers and educational resources on ego development processes. Learn more here.